Hello friends! I’m back home in Scottsdale, AZ as I write this. Hawaii was a great time, yet I’m officially ready to be “back at it” now that I’m home! I appreciate all of your messages, recommendations and love on Instagram throughout our trip.
I looked at my STREAKS App over the weekend and realized I’ve been saying my Surrender Prayer just over 180 days now (unsolicited plug- it’s an awesome app for tracking goals/progress). The entire point of the Surrender Project was to force myself to intentionally Surrender to God each day. I spent nearly 35 years obsessively trying to control outcomes. A series of events continually showed me how much fear gripped my life, and I finally realized how emotionally exhausting that was. I was tired of the crippling symptoms of fear. Tired of living in the past or the future, completely absent in the present. Tired of anxiety. Tired of people pleasing. Tired of being a surface level Christian. Tired of saying I trusted God, while refusing to give Him the wheel.
I had an idea when I felt like all else had failed. Funny how sometimes we need to completely test our own abilities before we’ll give God the full ability to utilize His strength. I suppose that’s human nature, perhaps even pride. I wanted to try Surrendering via Prayer each day. I wanted to create an intentional act that forced me to remember my new mindset of giving God the wheel in my life.
I’m a little scatter brained sometimes. Some of you who know me well are smirking and nodding in agreement right now. 😉 I enjoy writing and doing so has always been the best method of truly expressing myself. A few important people in my life have told me over the years that I should create a blog given my creativity and love for writing. I thought coinciding a blog with my Surrender Prayer would help ensure I chronicled my experiences, while also serving as an outlet for myself. I also don’t mind being vulnerable and figured sharing my thoughts and feelings along the way might help others take the same step toward giving life to God. That’s the gist. You can read my Surrender Prayer in the menu tab above. You can also read some of the initial posts, which explain more as to how this whole thing started! As for this post, I want to give an update as I reflect over the past six months.
I’m over 180 days into this project- how awesome! I tried to have no expectations along the way, as I feel that wouldn’t represent true Surrender. I believe however that I’m where I’m supposed to be. God as me where He wants me. I’m still in the initial stages of figuring out how to Surrender, still learning a ton, still processing fear and walking through valleys at times. I don’t know where this path leads, but I appreciate the road traveled thus far…
I truly give situations to God more often than ever. I give Him fears, worries, anxieties, my future. I also try to give Him more love, more dedicated time and attempt to make Him #1 in my life. I find wayyyy more peace now that I’m intentionally trusting Him, regardless of the situation. The act of saying a daily prayer has served as a consistent reminder that I’m not in control. The idea that I’m not in control has humbled me along the way, which I believe is a good thing. I feel more peace today knowing that my job only resides in the present moment, God has my future figured out. I also feel more connected through His Spirit than in the past, whom I try my hardest to let guide my steps each day. I know God has always loved me, yet I believe my worldly self never felt worthy of His love, or was too distracted to feel His love, or perhaps was too prideful for His love. By shedding parts of me, I’m able to feel more and crave more of His Presence, how cool is that?!
I’ve gone through changes for the better in my work life, allowing me to utilize my strengths while trusting a very capable team around me to utilize theirs. I humbly realized over the summer that I’m not as important as I thought, given that I could be on the road for two months without being missed a whole lot. God has placed amazing people in my life to allow this spiritual journey to happen, for that I’m extremely grateful.
I’ve made personal and relational strides as well! Three years ago I kept having a vision of my driving off toward the mountains. Most of you know that I finally took my road trip this summer, just me and my pup. This was a huge step for me, because the trip forced me to pause and listen to God. The trip forced me to realize how conditioned I was by my environment- that if I just did more everything would be okay. I realized over the past several months that much of my motivations in life were worldly and wounded. A perspective only seen now that I’ve forced myself to view my “success” from a different lens. Thank God for forcing me to break away from my rituals and routines for long enough to realize there is more to life than human achievement. Thank God for forcing me to pause and see my life from a lens separate of my conditioned environment. Thank God for that road trip (and my pup)!
I think the past six months has been a period of shedding my old self. I think I had to take that road trip and break my habits and routines. I think I finally realized that “doing more” from a human perspective was never going to fill the void within me. That void can only be filled by God himself. I am a firm believer that this world can push us to the brink of exhaustion, thinking we can fulfill ourselves via personal accomplishments or ego-driven motives. I can honestly attest to you that an element of Surrendering to God is necessary to find peace in this world. I’m excited to see where He leads me next, and fully trust it’s better than where I would’ve stumbled on my own!
My six month update doesn’t come with some angelic vision with clear instructions as to my next steps. My six month update doesn’t come with me having it all figured out. My six month update comes with encouragement, that subtle and small steps each day will result in transformational change for the good. I firmly believe this! A had a vision a long time ago of a mass of people heading up a mountain together. I actually thought I was supposed to start a faith-based charitable hiking group initially. And years ago my personal vision was to drive toward my mountain. I knew my mountain had to do with Peace and God, yet didn’t exactly know what to do with it. I didn’t know if I was running from this world or running toward God, or both. I suppose it was both!
As I write this post that same vision emerges in mind’s eye- a vision of a mass of people heading up a mountain together. What if that mass of people heading up a mountain consists of anyone who is willing to give up control and focus more on surrendering life to God? I believe I’ve seen these things for a major reason, and I certainly don’t believe in irony…
So, I’ve had the vision of me “heading to the mountain” for some time. Driving away from my old world toward a new One! I’ve also had a vision of a mass of people heading up a mountain together placed on my heart for years. Kind of weird how these visions are coming together! Perhaps there is more to this story as I reflect back and think through these visions?! I’m headed up my mountain, would you like to join me and start heading up yours? Perhaps we can all travel up THE MOUNTAIN together?! Perhaps this was the meaning of the visions all along?! Perhaps we can start a movement! Who will climb with me? Who will move from the past and walk in the present? Who will truly surrender their future with me?
Much love. Thanks for all of your support!
Message me here or on Instagram at Surrender_Project if you’re willing to give control to God! Would love to hear your testimonies and stories! Climb on and God Bless!