Holding Space

A friend of mine named Tony has mentioned “holding space” several times since I met him about three years ago. Tony is a Chiropractor, yet not your traditional what I like to call “snap, crackle and pop” type. Tony has been referred to as anything from a “witch doctor” to a “spiritual guru.” Needless to say, when I went to him three years ago complaining of rib pain (convinced it was Pleurisy via my google diagnosis), he gave no reaction to my theory. Instead, he started asking me questions about my life, dating as far back as childhood. Shortly into our conversation I felt like I was going through some initial stage of counseling again, but I answered his questions given the dire need to find an answer to my pain dilemma. As many of you know from previous posts, hypochondria is a huge anchor in my past, so I was desparate sitting in his office.

Tony is one of a kind. He’s become a friend and someone I look up to in ways. The diagnosis was more complicated than an ailment defined by google. I was going through a lot personally when I first stepped into Tony’s office. Pain emerges as our bodies attempt the release of painful memories and hurts from our past. I’ve talked to a number of specialists, from medical doctors, counselors and even a seasoned massage therapist regarding this topic. They all agree that we physically store events we’re not emotionally or mentally capable of processing at onset. Almost like our body keeps a score card, and eventually traumas will flare up with ailments and pains, or even morph into disease or sickness. We carry so much physically from our past, not just emotionally, the two are linked.

This post isn’t about Tony or his beliefs. This post is about something Tony taught me over the past three years, whether he realizes it or not. I will however tell you that if you’re struggling with physical pain, have an illness or ailment, or are suffering due to a medical or mental diagnosis, he’s worth a visit. He’s located in the Phoenix Metro area, but has a network of other professionals who do similar work around the country. He’s a pioneer of such, along with his mentor, in a field that is growing rapidly. Our bodies can literally heal themselves. God designed us that way! We just have to clear out the junk and clutter and create a healthy environment overall to help fuel the healing. Mentally and spiritually the guy is a rockstar, so if you want to visit with him or learn more, let me know and I’ll connect you.

Tony doesn’t always engage in full fledge conversation. In fact, I’d say he holds back some, allowing his patients to discover their individual journeys for themselves. He believes we’re all headed one direction or the other, basically toward a healthy or an unhealthy trajectory. Every person is different because we all have our experiences, hang-ups, stories, etc.. We all have our own personalities and coping mechanisms. Tony believes in “holding space” for others to discover the depths of life for themselves. He helps with the environment piece by sparking the neurological power within, yet doesn’t try to give people the answers.

We all have our own answers within, we all have our own spirit and purpose as well. Tony seemingly is an environmentalist for the human body, creating an atmosphere for positive change, yet isn’t willing to take the steps FOR a person to find true healing. This type of healing requires digging deep and healing the core underlying issues from one’s past. Ironically, when you create an environment for change, the body wants and is designed to heal, and therefore these past experiences seem to reappear in life (resurface). This process is to allow the mind, spirit and body to process and move beyond any road blocks to health from our past.

Tony’s ability to “hold space” is a unique medicinal trait these days, as it doesn’t require a specific diagnosis or a prescription. Our bodies have everything we need, yet often times we’re operating at such a disadvantage spiritually and mentally because of our pasts that we find ourselves in no position that permits self healing. Tony used his method of adjusting to help my body awaken, work through and release much held trauma, while holding space given where I was on the spiritual ladder at the time. He certainly wasn’t going to give his opinion of the underlying issues, as that was my road to walk, not his.

I had a conversation the other day with a family member. This particular member of my family was wondering why life was so hard. Why everything wrong seemed to hauntingly reappear. I had a few theories, yet I realize now more than ever that throughout life we are all at our own stage of enlightenment (or lack of). These experiences continue to reappear, happen over and over, because that has become the expectation and the norm for the ego’s comfort. Some use the word frequency, frankly that freaks me out a little; yet if drama and hurt are what someone is used to that’s typically what that person will attract more of. Try being the person they turn toward to help solve the issues with a vantage point of just how far they are from The Truth. The conversation had me thinking about my initial conversation with Tony. I needed simply to hold space and attempt responding at a level that could be understood. I think the main difference with me a few years ago while first speaking with Tony was that I was at a point of truly wanting to rise above. The hurts and pains had me leaning in, craving true evolution to a better version of self. I often find amidst these types of discussions with others that the “why me plaintiff” doesn’t truly want this, at least not yet.

We all have opportunities to do a 180 in our mindset and priorities. Often times it happens when the pain of being where we are is so bad that we get desperate to try anything BUT the roads already traveled. I cannot solve someone else’s problems, I can only hold space. Analogy time- have you ever had a friend or family member that was dating someone that you and most others thought was a bad idea? The clarity from outside the relationship showed the individuals were better apart than together. Yet most people don’t say anything until the individuals in the relationship see the disfunction for themselves, right? Why? Simple- we all know people aren’t willing to listen, change and evolve until they’re ready. Try convincing a smoker of multiple decades to stop smoking for any reason besides their true desire to quit, you’ll fail 100% of the time because they need to make that choice. Everyone needs to hit a point where change, healing, peace, contentment, overall health, love, joy, positivity take priority over the unhealthy comforts of having excuses, being miserable, pain or sob stories. The rest of us are on our own journey, and as much as we might be able to see some of the underlying issues in others, we can merely hold space and give subtle wisdom without trying to solve their problems. Nobody will heal and find spiritual enlightenment, or evolve to a higher level of faith, consciousness, mindset and make leaps toward a healthier life until they’re actually ready.

I guess that’s my point. Sometimes it’s okay to just hold space and let others take their journey. We cannot captain another’s vessel, we can only carve a path others might want to follow as we head toward the light.

For more pics and to fully experience the journey follow @surrender_project on Instagram!

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