Who’s Your Shepard?

Well it’s been a tough few weeks. Many of you know that I had to say goodbye to my best little buddy Murphy in late August. I naturally went a little MIA on the blog and social media, as I coped with the grief of his passing. I’m still struggling some, as I’ve recently visited a few of Murphy and my fav places for comfort. He was an incredible dog. I firmly believe he’s now in heaven. The end was tough on him. The seizures that suddenly began in July had him on medicines that wore him down rapidly. I could tell he was rarely happy anymore. I could tell he was anxious and most likely in pain, by his panting, whining and pacing. Still, the decision to heir on the side of compassion was challenging for me. Once he started having little twitches again I could only assume more seizures were near. The probable diagnosis was a brain lesion or tumor, given the sudden clustered seizures with no previous seizure activity. I didn’t want him to suffer further, so I had to let him go.

The day after we said goodbye I saw Murph in the clouds. The doctor that helped (she came to my house) said he would send me signs, if I was open to receiving them that is. I see him (a dachshund) in this cloud, how about you?

Murphy- his head is facing right. Dark part of the cloud. See him? 😊

I know in my heart that he’s happy and running free. As always, one wonders whether it was the “right time.” We had an incredible journey together, especially over the past few years. He was my little “shotgun rider” on so many road trips. My pup that I took care of for so many years I still look for, call for, and cry for. Who knew that for all of those years he was actually taking care of me too. I said it on Instagram recently, and I’ll repeat it here… I believe we are blessed with only a few spiritual level connections in a lifetime, and Murph was ABSOLUTELY one for me. I pray Jesus will give him hugs for me, kiss and scratch his head for me, and tell him how much I truly love him. I hope he forgives me for my mistakes and shortcomings with him. I hope he knows how much I would give to have one more walk, one more car ride, and one more day at the park with him.

Murphy- you’re my best buddy, and I’m heartbroken, but I know you’re in a better place. Dad loves you!


Today marks 500 days since I hit my knees and started SURRENDERING to God daily. Years of living in a constant state of fear and anxiety left me humbled and broken enough to finally start intentionally trying to let Jesus drive my life. I had to make many mistakes and chase much of the world without true fulfillment before realizing the world doesn’t truly quench my thirst. I’m 500 days into what I hope to be the rest of a lifetime of SURRENDERING. The SURRENDER PROJECT doesn’t make me more righteous or perfect me in some way. The SURRENDER PROJECT doesn’t make me a completed project. The SURRENDER PROJECT is a stepping stone in the transformation project of Christ living in me. I’ve evolved quite a bit in 500 days. My gut (The Holy Spirit) guides me better than ever now. When I make mistakes I long for grace and forgiveness, because I feel the pain of not living as Jesus did more than ever as I continue to submit to Him. I see the world differently now than I did 200, 300, or 500 days ago. The lens from which I view the world, and all of its “pleasures” and “temporary satisfactions,” has taken a 180 degree turn along my journey of SURRENDER. I don’t think that’s coincidental. There is only One Saving Grace, and we cannot find it “out there somewhere.”

I argue that every human being is part of a larger flock. You probably guessed that I’m metaphorically comparing us to sheep based on the title of this post. We are all sheep. We are all part of a flock or herd. Even if the majority of us don’t realize it….

We live in a world where the mainstream media thrives on creating further chaos and division. We live in a world where political agendas are at the forefront of everyday life. A virus is ravaging it’s way through society, especially The United States. We live in a world where technology- the acceptance of and dependence on- has accelerated a decade in just six months. We live in a world of face coverings being required for entry. We live in a world where small businesses are being crushed, while larger enterprises are continuing to advance their stronghold of consumer dependence, along with their balance sheets. Surveillance is constant these days. We are launching 5G without truly understanding the health negatives. We have a dependency on sugar, alcohol, drugs, chemically processed foods, medications, television, etc. I could go on…

I’ve never been a conspiracy theorist. I suppose now I’m starting to see behind the curtain however. I’m starting to honestly question some things, especially what’s transpired the past six months and the who/what organizations are behind it all. I pray for awareness and guidance often, perhaps I’m getting it. I am starting to notice how many gripping habits and dependencies there really are, which naturally make us turn from depending on The One True Source of Light.

I believe SURRENDERING to God is the only true way to living a life bearing fruit and JOY. I realize how much of what I’ve come to depend on doesn’t start with Jesus, yet was created, planted and communicated from humans. Communication is dependent on a phone, the internet and social media more than ever. Most of us are dependent on how we get our food. We are mostly dependent on a financial system for transacting life. We are certainly dependent on government for a lot and have recently granted them more control. I was so dependent on external praise and happiness as another example, can anyone else relate? I was dependent on short-term fillers over long term fulfillment via God and His Spirit. I was dependent on “man” verses God in far too many ways throughout my life. How about you?

500 days has me evolving, thinking and feeling more than ever that we live in a world of vastly growing disparity between people and God. Christ is my Shepard, He is my Fountain, He is my Joy. The more “He is” for me the less other things “can be,” which includes my dependency on such things. I pray we can all do a little more thinking, a little more of letting The Holy Spirit guide us, and practice a little more faith over fear, so we can evolve into a larger flock verses the mainstreaming media’s flock of chaos, disruption and control. We need radical, loving, transformative faith more than ever.

Think on this – in Jesus’ flock He will leave the 99 to save the 1; yet doesn’t it seem opposite here in the world? Seemingly the 1% prefers to control the 99% however possible. So we can choose: Jesus who keeps knocking to save each of us, or the world which continues to lead the herd to slaughter- if not physically then certainly spiritually and mentally. Do we open Jesus’ knock or keep turning to the world’s well that only enhances our thirst instead of quenching it?

Everything we need is from Him. Everything we have is His. We can choose His guidance over the world’s. We can SURRENDER and TRUST GOD. Anyone else want to join?

Romans 12:2- “And do not be conformed by this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s