Surrender Project Update: Crossing 250 Days

I started my Surrender Project early May of 2019. I did so because I was worn out trying to figure out life on my own. I was tired from obsessively trying to control my future. I was tired of chasing fulfillment in work, from loved ones, and via external pleasures. I was tired of hurting from my past. I was tired of chasing “some answer” that I knew was “out there;” yet it seemed to constantly slip my grasp. I’ve been a Christian since childhood technically, yet I really asked Christ into my heart in my early twenties. I must admit my relationship with God was certainly one of shallow convenience (on my end) for many years as a young adult. The world was too important, and control was as well.

Many signs continued to point me in the direction of God being the answer I was seeking over the past couple of years. Some signs I ignored given the inconvenience to lifestyle decisions. I suppose pride was also a factor, as I was under the impression I could handle life on my own. I was successful. I was somebody. I wanted to prove my worth. Throughout the past few years I was constantly wrestling with God. Well, He finally won!

I didn’t expect to start this project and have God perform life altering miracles. He already performed a miracle getting a guy like me to change as much as I have. He performed a miracle helping me realize the importance of Trusting Him. He performed a miracle as He sculpted me into someone willing to hit my knees every day in a complete attempt to Surrender life. I wasn’t the easiest person to get along with for many years. I had a chip on my shoulder from wounds left buried. Wounds that only He could heal. Once I genuinely asked Him to show me how to live this life, He slowly started guiding me on a different path. I’m not talking about a golden path lined with flowers and comfort either. I’m referring to a path filled with enough pain and fear that I could ONLY walk within His shadow to make it through. Surrendering life to God isn’t easy- it’s a constant mindset, and a constant decision made from one’s heart. We can choose to SURRENDER anything, anywhere and anytime!

I sit here 256 days in a row of praying My Surrender Prayer (see Menu or Instagram for actual prayer). I was talking to someone recently about what this project is all about. I started reflecting on what’s happened in my life since last May and was taken back, simply amazed. I’m often so focused on what’s next that I forget to look at how far I’ve come. Maybe you can relate? I don’t want to dwell in a negative past; yet certainly believe pausing to reflect, celebrate and give gratitude for God’s GOODNESS is important! I want to share a quick reflection on a major change that I have COMPLETE FAITH came with God’s guidance…

I have been in the finance world for over 12 years. I have a very good friend named Chad that I often found myself trying to emulate over the past decade. He’s literally one of the smartest people I know. He’s the best I know in certain aspects of our business. I remember obtaining a bunch of credentials (letters next to my name), partially in an attempt to chase his brilliance. What I didn’t realize all of those years was that becoming more like him didn’t allow me to be myself.

I was hosting a charity corn hole tournament last year. This was the first (and possibly last) corn hole tournament I will host as it was a lot on our team to plan and execute. I was the MC for the event and Chad marveled at my ability to speak with a microphone in my hand. He was full of compliments. I’m not going to lie, having a great friend and mentor in business over the past decade pay such high respects certainly felt good. I then started writing on this blog page, and once again he’s been nothing but supportive and complementary of my writing. Funny- people have asked me for years to read outbound emails and give feedback. I’ve always enjoyed writing and others thought highly of my ability, yet I never actually thought writing was a strength. I suppose we all have self-limiting beliefs due to the world we live in, especially if our talents could be used for God’s work. I believe the enemy will try attacking anything that can be used for God’s kingdom. Needless to say, writing is a terrific outlet for me, and I certainly hope this site is making more of an impact than proofreading outbound work emails!

Back to Chad. Right around the time this project started, Chad said something else that struck me. He joked that he liked me around in social settings because I would undoubtably “break the ice” with others. He nicknamed me “The Ice Breaker,” as only a good buddy is permitted to do. He admired my ability to “work a room” due to his introverted nature. He simply needs more time to feel comfortable getting to know people. I simply do not. I have a passion to meet others, especially if we share common interests. We started to discuss our strengths and passions. I finally realized that Chad admired my strengths as much as I admired his. I remember coming to the joint realization that instead of trying to be more like the other, we could team up and just be ourselves.

A quick backstory: we tried this before. We tried teaming up and sharing a team in the office, yet MY EGO held us back. I’m sure Chad wasn’t blameless either, yet we crashed and burned. We tried this over four years ago when I was driven by recognition and control. I was trying to be more like Chad because I viewed his business as more successful than mine (not something I would advertise back then). I now realize that parts of my business are more efficient than Chad’s, and parts of his business are more than mine. Why? Because we’re different of course. God created us to be different for reasons. He didn’t create us to be alone, yet to collaborate. I’m happy to say that we’ve joined forces and everything is working very well because we’re focusing on our individual strengths. This partnership also permits more time for me to focus on my Surrender Project to make an impact spiritually, which is my number one priority in life: Growing in FAITH and helping others experience the same. Do you think this change in business was chance? I don’t….

I’ve experienced many other areas of growth since I started SURRENDERING last May, which I’m sure I’ll share over time. I’m happier TRUSTING GOD. I’m more at peace SURRENDERING TO GOD. I’m less fearful and anxious as I WALK WITH GOD. A shift in roles within my business might seem like a small thing, or an obvious decision to make to an outsider. I honestly don’t believe I would’ve wanted or accepted the change if I was still driven by old motives of control and recognition. I needed to shed the importance of such things prior to being able to make this shift, which is better for both parties involved. I will promise anyone reading this one thing: only ONE BEING could’ve changed me this much in such a small amount of time. I’m a walking testimony of God’s work. I believe those closest to me would agree given my transformation. I’m not fully where I need or crave to be as I still struggle in my walk, yet I believe He’ll continue shaping me into the man He wants me to be. I believe He will will mold me back to His creation, not the world’s wounded version I was before. I will then be able to accomplish his Divine Purpose for my life – not my own.

If you struggle with control, take a step and start Surrendering.

If you struggle with fear or anxiety, take a step and start Surrendering.

If you struggle feeling the need to fit in or constantly please others, take a step and start Surrendering.

If you struggle with feeling like you cannot be yourself, take a step and start Surrendering.

If you lack JOY or meaning in life, take a step and start Surrendering.

If you struggle with old hurts or hangups, take a step and start Surrendering.

I struggled with everything I just listed throughout my life. We all struggle, so how about we all start Surrendering to healing and guidance from our Creator? I don’t believe God will fully sculpt the unwilling – it’s a choice we must make.

Take a step with me. Be transformed in your mind as written in Romans 12:2. Follow me on Instagram and share your stories as you Surrender life to God. I believe we can rid ourselves of anxiety and fear if we choose take this major transformational step together! Who is with me?

IG: @Surrender_Project

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