I write this from experience, from times long ago and even a recent dynamic. I write this for all who have hurt others (which probably includes everyone). I also write this to those who have such internal pain that they continue hurting others (even if they don’t realize it). I write this especially for those that are being consistently hurt by someone they care about, without rationalization or understanding as to why this hurting persists.

Life has a funny way of bringing you experiences to reflect and learn from. I’ve had another recently, yet strangely enough instead of engaging in drama, I turned within. Going within has me writing here, as I believe we all have similar people and experiences to reflect on. All I can say is that I now look at others from a different lens than I used to. I react less than ever. I hold grudges less. I forgive easier. I move forward and beyond negative circumstances faster. I suppose this is maturity. I suppose this is from actually learning over time when situations present themselves, as they inevitably will with imperfect people.

We all have “those people” in our lives. People that have hurt us. People that continue trying to hurt us. We might even be this hurtful person for someone else, whether we realize it or not. I think we can all agree that we are all hurting in some way. We are all wounded for very real and perhaps even acceptable reasons. It’s okay to be hurt, yet turning this hurt into an excuse or reason to hurt others is extremely unfortunate. We aren’t designed to hurt others, yet love others. We are called to do so in John 15:17- “This is my command: Love each other.” Eventually what we do with our pain becomes a choice- it can either be a crutch or an opportunity to overcome.

Here is a shot across the bow. Here is a reflection of real life situations in my life, and perhaps in yours. Here is to providing meaning to hurt people that decide to spread their pain instead of healing it. Here is to providing meaning to some of the pain we experience from these hurt people. Here’s my opinion, my notice, my response, my hope and my prayer for these individuals (yours and mine) that continue their destructive patterns and negatively impact our lives. I’ve titled the message “It’s Okay,” perhaps you’ll find it useful to share…

IT’S OKAY:

I’ve watched from across several rooms. I hear about you from across town. I’ve witnessed your destructive nature far too much. I’ve felt your anger and negative energy too often. Here’s something interesting though- I’ve also shared and felt similar pain in my past that you feel today. Yet I’ve taken strides, what have you done?

I’m learning throughout this journey of life that as I walk my path others will certainly stick their foot out to serve as a stumbling block. IT’S OKAY, because when I trip I’ll continue to rise up and fulfill my God-given purpose, which must be served above all else. I’m learning many cannot help what they say. Many cannot help but to serve as a stumbling block for others. Many are still living a life of past regrets, past wounds and with a stronghold so tight only the devil can claim responsibility.

You have your story. We all have one. Guess what- I’ve been there. I’ve been the angry voice yelling tirades full of irrational daggers indented to hurt or harm. I’ve screamed as an adult, yet now realize it was merely the child within screaming from buried wounds. The place of fear I lived from throughout my young adult years wasn’t the vantage point of a rationally minded adult. This was the vantage point of an emotionally reactive child. Here’s what I’m telling you- IT’S OKAY! You don’t know what you don’t know. Your child still screams while mine has been carried away by God Himself.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalms 147:3

Until you become aware, you cannot heal. Until you accept that your life is no one’s responsibility but your own, you cannot heal. Until you understand that unhealed wounds actually create emotional, physical and spiritual pain, you won’t be willing to navigate the painful process of revisiting those old wounds with a purpose of healing over a purpose of hate. If you’re not willing to lean back into past hurts, you won’t be able to actually let Jesus do His work, as He is the healer of our broken hearts and our wounds. Until you take responsibility and go through this process, you’ll be the same broken version of yourself that you spend your entire life blaming everyone else for creating. Sure, others hurt you. others let you down, yet the only person letting you down at this point is YOURSELF. Until you learn to lower expectations of others and work on YOU, you cannot heal. Until you stop judging others and focus on what matters most in life- a relationship with God Himself, you cannot heal. Make a choice- stay the current course and get more of the same or try something different. THIS CHOICE IS COMPLETELY UP TO YOU!

Attending counseling habitually was one of the best decisions I ever made. Spiritual cleansing was certainly another. You see, I HAD TO HEAL. Life forced me to look within, otherwise I was going to continue being the hurtful, worldly, fearful, anxious version of myself I was for decades. I lived a long time in darkness, not realizing how much of my pain was correlated to THE unhealed evil dwelling within from my past. I am now grateful for my valleys, the hard times, the pain that showed me how much I needed to work within in order to to live a more fruitful life.

As for you… I pray for you. I pray you’ll become aware that you have a way out of a trapped mind, a blackened heart, and all of the emotional pain that comes from walking in your shoes. I pray for your healing. I pray you find peace in God.

I am also grateful for you. As through your actions and words, I’ve learned more about forgiveness. Much of what I see in you is a mirror of myself in the past. As I watch you, I learn to continually forgive myself for being the hurt version of me back then. I’ve learned how the devil grips us hard when he snatches hold. I forgive you and I’m grateful for all you’re showing me. I’m still rooting for you, regardless of how much hurt, hate and anger you spread. I pray you learn to stop looking outward and look inward, as this is where real change happens. Until then just know that you hurt me very little with your words or actions, as I’m a BELIEVER in Galatians 1:10 (Obviously I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be God’s servant. – NIV).

I want you to know that your actions, your words and your hatred are hurting YOU substantially more than anyone else. I’ve been there and can attest to this fact. The person I know you to be, the deep down big hearted version that God created, the child-like version prior to the world beating you down, would be disappointed in how you’re showing up every day. This version is still inside of you somewhere, I believe this. God’s destiny for you still flickers deep within! I pray you OVERCOME your pain, OVERCOME your fears and OVERCOME your hate, so that you can come to realize His GOOD plan for YOU!

That’s my message- IT’S OKAY! You’re allowed to be angry, upset or mad about something. What’s not okay is staying your current path, as you’re seemingly forgetting that you only get one shot at life. I pray you awaken and take your life back, from the inside out…

Maybe you can read the above and find meaning in hurts from another. Perhaps you’ll find forgiveness for them. Perhaps you’ll send it to someone that hurt you, or to someone you’ve hurt. I just hope it helps. I don’t write this post for a reason other than to give perspective, as I’m sure others are experiencing similar pain with others or within themselves. I understand more and more that hurt people hurt people. I used to hear this saying and not understand the depths of truth it presented. I’m sure we’ve all hurt others, even if just emotionally like I have over the years. I continue my work on forgiving those that have and still try hurting me. I pray anyone that I’ve hurt along the way can find it within themselves to also forgive me, as this is what’s best for their health and spirit. I pray we can all move through and heal our past, so we can press onward toward our God-given destinies.

Awareness, acceptance, mental and spiritual healing, forgiveness and pressing onward… may we each experience this process. Until then, I’ll pray for you.