I often enjoy retelling situations from my life that prove valuable as I continue along this growth path (my fancy way of admitting I’m getting older). Perhaps, one of the most enriching lessons I’ve received was via a conversation with a friend of mine. We’ll simply call this friend by his first name for now- Ben. I’ve written about Ben once so far (The 95% posted on May 18th). One thing Ben shed light on for me about five years ago was a bible verse that is still a staple throughout his everyday walk- Galatians 1:10. As I continue praying each day to be guided by The Holy Spirit to discern how best to elevate my spiritual connection, certain situations seem to arise that remind me of past lessons learned. We don’t always learn particular lessons all at once, rather we need several scenarios to comprehend over time. Perhaps we don’t have the spiritual or mental capacity to fully grasp certain teachings at different life stages, so we need repetition to “beat it into our heads” as we evolve.

I remember years ago talking with Ben about this burning desire I’ve had since childhood to be make sure everyone around me was always happy. I used to have such a horrific time with anyone being upset at me, disagreeing with me or not being pleased with my “performance.” I constantly felt (mostly unknowingly- almost like it was programed) that if I could only make everyone else happy I would have the internal fulfillment we’re all searching for. Boy was I wrong. This is one trait that has created much conflict (internal and external), a plethora of anxiety and probably helped in the creation and destruction of multiple relationships. What I’ve since realized through identifying my own brokenness and my ensuing journey of healing (still on that train), is that the more stake I put in trying to appease others the more I realize that’s simply an impossible mountain to climb. No long term internal fulfillment can ever come from pleasing others, regardless of the relationship. Sure, you can be a great impact to others, yet I believe the true fulfillment comes with spiritual awakening- walking with The Spirit as we learn what really matters most in this world. I’ll get into other areas of struggle I’ve had similar to this topic around putting too much stake in other “worldly things, feelings, situations” later, but for now I want to stick to this simple lesson learned from Ben.

Galatians 1:10- Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.” NLT

We are typically conditioned from our past experiences in many ways. Some even believe generationally we are hard-wired based on experiences and ensuing traits that evolved from our ancestral bloodline. I can certainly reflect about my ancestors and think of a few ways this makes sense for me, once again we’ll revisit later. I reflect on the environment I grew up as I rationalize where this need to please was imbedded within my unconscience self. Whether being the constant “new kid” in school, the unsettling “home” in my adolescent years, the desire for perfection to please my dad/coaches in sports, the performance based school system (lacking much individuality of course)- I can see how these factors helped create a “people pleaser.” Performance based thinking to win the approval of others was simply safer throughout childhood for me. The more of my environment I could control based by being a good kid, saying the right things, or simply performing well, the better life seemed to be for an evolving young mind. I believe I liked control and predictability because being out of my comfort zone, or worse being in potential danger, were less settling options (childhood wasn’t always blissful for me).

Ben had his own childhood, which he still uses to impact hundreds of thousands of people with his passionate message and faith-walk to this day. Even Ben, “Mr. 95% Joy,” consistently has to remind himself that his purpose is bigger and more divine than any one person’s perspective that reacts to his message. We all have people in our lives who expect us to perform (expectations typically don’t lead to a happy dynamic btw), and a tragedy occurs when we put this performance of life at a higher priority than serving God and our true self, or in the way of loving ourselves all together. Jesus scarified himself for us, not so we could figuratively sacrifice our true selves for everyone else all over again. I’ve experienced and seen countless examples of how serving people FIRST can lead to a lot of pain and lack of authenticity. I still struggle with this lesson, as I believe we all do in certain facets, yet I often quote this verse above during these struggles because my good friend inspired me to do so. “I am for God first, not people” is even one of the “I AM STATEMENTS” I consistently read as a reminder to myself.

I pray anyone struggling on the hamster wheel of trying to please others can take solace in surrendering that to God. Perhaps reminding yourself of this particular verse can help free your spiritual side to experience a life more destined and fulfilling for you, the life He wants you to have. Hopefully us “people pleasers” can impact the world in a bigger and better way by shifting our order of focus. Thank you Ben for enlightening me with this verse several years ago, as I truly feel God made an impact on me through your discernment. My gift to you will be continuing to share this important message with others throughout my life.

IG: @surrender_project